Keep Laughing:

 "I like rice. Rice is great when you're hungry and you want 2,000 of something."
"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much I play, I'll never be as good as a wall . Ave played tennis with a wall, men those things are relentless. 
Why can't we have racism that's ignorant but nice? You could have stereotypes that are positive about race. You could say, 'Those Chinese people, they can fly! You know about the Puerto Ricans... they're made of candy!'
"A man walks into a chemist's and says, 'Can I have a bar of soap, please?' The chemist says, 'Do you want it scented?' And the man says, 'No, I'll take it with me now.'"
What is a date, really, but a job interview that lasts all night? The only difference is that in not many job interviews is there a chance you'll wind up naked."
 You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'"

  According to most studies, people's No.1 fear is public speaking. No.2 is death. Death is No.2. Does that sound right? This means, to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy."

"Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex is an emergency and no matter what we're doing we can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They're very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur.

"The idea behind the tuxedo is the woman's point of view that men are all the same, so we might as well dress them that way. That's why a wedding is like the joining together of a beautiful, glowing bride and some guy. The tuxedo is a wedding safety device, created by women, because they know that men are undependable. So in case the groom chickens out, everybody just takes one step over and she marries the next guy.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Image
Northern Governors Grant Conditions For Restructuring: The Governors of 19 Northern States on Thursday clarified that the region was not opposed to the restructuring of the country. Chairman of the Northern States Governors’ Forum and Governor of Borno State, Ibrahim Shettima stated this while speaking at a meeting of the Governors and traditional rulers in Kaduna. Shettima said any restructuring should be done within acceptable criteria and must be fair to all component parts of the country. He said a final decision on the position of the North would be taken on Friday when governors of the 19 Northern States meet again in Kaduna. He said: “It is also my expectation that at the end of this meeting today (yesterday) and, God willing, tomorrow’s (today) meeting of the governors, the forum and our esteemed royal fathers will adopt a consensus position on restructuring of the country that will be reflective of the general overall interest of the people of Northern Nigeria and ...
Read more

El-Zakzaky demanded ‘a five-star hotel’, Nigerian govt react

Image
The Federal Government has said the leader of the Islamic Movement in Nigeria (IMN), Ibraheem El-Zakzaky, was violating the bail conditions granted him and his wife by the Federal High Court, Kaduna. Reacting to an audio message in which El-Zakzaky complained about the increased security presence around him in the Indian hospital, FG said El-Zakzaky was “becoming uncontrollable.” A statement issued in Abuja on Wednesday by the Permanent Secretary, Ministry of Information and Culture, Grace Gekpe, described El-Zakzaky’s claim as “a foul cry” that should be disregarded. She explained that the Islamic cleric started displaying “ulterior motives against laid down procedures” when he and his wife had a stopover in Dubai. El-Zakzaky was also said to have rejected the Medanta Hospital, India, which he chose, but instead, wanted to be taken to a five-star hotel. According to Gekpe, the situation got to a stage that the Indian authorities expressed their readiness to return him to ...
Read more
Image
Donald Trump - Biafra: US breaks silence on growing tension in Nigeria The United States Diplomatic Mission has broken silence on growing tension in the country. In a tweet on Friday, the United States Mission to Nigeria said that it is joining well-meaning Nigerians to sue for peace, calling for an end to violence in the country. “The U.S. Mission to Nigeria joins the calls of Nigerian leaders and citizens across the country for an end to violence.#OutofManyOne,” the Tweet reads. The call by the U.S. Mission came the same day South East governors held an emergency meeting in Enugu to address issues of security in the zone, especially the recent clash between members of IPOB and the military in Abia state. The military had earlier started an operation code-named Operation Python Dance in the South East with the aim of ridding the region of criminals and other activities threatening the security of the area. This has led to an altercation among many with fear of communal ...
Read more